drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
