i'm signing you up for texting rehab
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
