it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
