Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
