Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
