I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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