sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
