Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
