Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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