I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
