Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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