I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
