i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
