I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
