i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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