I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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