I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
