my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
