I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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