so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
