The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
