His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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