Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
