These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
