I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
