So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize