and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
