Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
