There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
