Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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