so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
