I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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