i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well you can't waste a boner
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So vagazzling was a success
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
