apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
