I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
