Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
