I'm jealous of your bromance
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
