you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
