Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
