Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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