Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
