Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
