my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
