Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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