i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
