my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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