Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
