i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
