My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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