could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
